Every now and then, I have a Facebook friend request from someone I don't know. I'm sure you've gotten one of these on occasion. Its from someone you've never heard of, and your response is a straightforward 'ignore', or if you're feeling charitable, an email asking "how exactly do you know me?", which never prompts a response.
But what do you do when someone you know but not terribly well or perhaps don't even like sends you a friend request? What's the proper social networking etiquette when you don't particularly feel like being sociable?
I'm afraid I knuckle under. Always. I know that's not what I want to do, but it seems the best of several poor alternatives.
So far, everyone who's sent me a friend request from my past has been a real pleasure to reconnect with. I've re-established friendships with dear people and we've gone out and done things together, and that's been remarkable and good.
But its not the people in my past I want to avoid. Its the people in my present. The people I have little in common with, who I don't have philosophical agreement with, the ex-co-worker now embroiled in controversy I don't understand and don't want to be dragged into or the ex-boyfriend of an acquaintance who wants to 'hang out' and get a 'falafel' some day next week.
I don't usually equate getting a falafel from a tiny hole-in-the-wall with one table on Sullivan Street with "hanging out". First, there's no place to 'hang' and second, who IS this insta-friend that now wants to be buds via facebook? Where did this guy, whose name I don't remember and whose number I was careful not to take, find the memory cells to remember my name and put it together with Facebook?
Honestly, what do *you* do? This is the new social conundrum; a real-life acquaintance who didn't even register when you met them, who now wants to be your online bff. How do you decline sociability in the world of social media?
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Last night a quasi-friend from high school (and that's being generous), desperately wanted to talk. His status updates were miserable all night and I wrote hoping all was ok. I then got 4 or 5 messages asking me to please call. The more pointed his requests, the more vague my responses. I didn't like him very much when we were 15 and have no desire to be friends now. A facebook "friend" doesn't automatically translate into the real world, but not everyone knows that. At this point I'm trying passive rejection and hope his desire wanes, although, I've already gotten 2 messages today . . .
ReplyDeleteI friend most people who make a request. But I've also started unfriending anyone who takes up more time/space than I want to give them.
ReplyDeleteI generally accept FB requests, but I only check FB a few times a week, and I make it a rule to block every application request, so I don't get asked for that application again.
ReplyDeletePlease note that people are not notified when you unfriend them on Facebook or unfollow them on Twitter, although they may notice they don't have the same FB access as before. You can also create a "do-not-really-like" group on FB and block most access if you really want.
On the other hand, I am very selective with who I follow on Twitter, because I read *everything* posted by the people I follow, and that only works for a small number of people.
There are a few people I've declined FB invitations from, because they're just not my friends; instead I try to invite them on LinkedIn, which I use *even less* than FB, so we can have a connection but I don't have to worry about them seeing all my FB profile details or anything like that.
I have always been an insanity magnet. And this holds, as well, in the world of Facebook. Let them at me, I say! As they tell me about their hospitalizaions or why their husband won't let them be in the choir, I just listen. It's hilarious. I care. I really do care. What saves me from fear of these people is that I know they get tired of the unrequited appeal. So they leave. But in the meantime, I don't think it ever hurts to tune in to someone's story. Why not!
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